I had a bit of a scare this morning. In order for it to lose its power over me I thought I would write about it.
Adam was transferring me to the toilet like we do every morning. For some reason when I sat down I felt like I was going to pass out. The world around me started to go black and I got very dizzy and Adam had to hold me up on the toilet. I began to sweat and Adam put a cold washcloth on my face and the back of my neck. After a few minutes I felt fine just a little weaker than normal. I went back to bed and slept for a few more hours. Now I feel like myself, just scared and freaked out.
I don't know why this happened. Maybe I got up faster than I normally do. Maybe I was dehydrated or extra tired. It probably was the ALS. I don't know. But it scared me and prevented me from going out today and paying my respects to a family I know and love who just lost their father/husband over the weekend. And it makes me really mad when the ALS prevents me from being who I really am and doing things I would normally do.
Another strategy I use in order for scary things to lose their power is I think about my blessings and write them down if need be. I just gave this advice to a dear friend of mine, and as I was telling her to do this, I thought I need this today as well. So here it goes...in no particular order...my blessings from over this past weekend:
1. Getting up early on Saturday to drive with Adam and Ean to watch the Patriots play baseball.
2. The shady trees we found to watch the games under.
3. Watching Ean play more baseball Saturday night.
4. Seeing the sky turn beautiful colors as the storm blew in.
5. Getting to the van just as it began to rain.
6. Marian coming over a few times on Sunday to help me so I could stay home.
7. Sarah and Gillian helping me take medicine, feeding me, straightening up, and running errands.
8. A visit from Adrienne and Sue.
9. A visit from Gina and Charlie.
10. Picking up where we left off even though I haven't seen Charlie in over 25 years!
11. Fresh banana ice cream (oh. My. Goodness).
12. Chocolate cake!
13. Living in a neighborhood where you make new friends by loving on their dogs.
14. Living in a neighborhood where your new friends hug you goodbye.
15. Living in a neighborhood with majestic trees that provide shade and rustling breezes.
16. Living in a neighborhood where you can see this:
17. Parents who are very willing to cancel their plans and put their lives on hold to care for me.
18. Friends who love me and I love back...
LIVE TO LOVE. LOVE TO LIVE.