Sunday, June 4, 2017

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose...

I can't get this weekend off of my mind. My 28th college reunion. It really wasn't even a whole weekend but a jam packed 24 hours of laughing, loving, and some crying. I laughed so hard that my face still hurts! Fabulous. I keep going back to Facebook to see pictures and comments made by my friends that I spent this emotional time with.

I know I have said this before but there is nothing - NOTHING - like spending time with people who knew you and loved you 'when'. In this scenario = when I was eighteen and scared about being away from home for the first time. When I was nineteen and doing some things I just might regret later in life. When I was twenty and I was less than self-assured but I kind of played it off. When I was twenty-one and "real" life was just around the corner. And intermixed with the four years of 'when' there were stories and memories and a comfort that is like no other.

Social media - Facebook more specifically - is really an invaluable resource for me. I was looking at some pictures from the reunion and I realized that being able to reach out through photos and comments and immeasurable support through Facebook has made me closer to some of my friends from my college years. That this venue has allowed me the opportunity to be real friends with people I "friended".

And that leads me to crying and more specifically, breakfast in the dining hall this morning. On Saturday I really didn't cry. Well maybe a little. Well maybe a lot for a short amount of time. Five minutes. I was catching up with my favorite professor and he kindly expressed sorrow for my diagnosis and the waterworks started and I just hugged him tightly. To say it might have been a bit awkward is an understatement, but it happened. But I digress. Back to breakfast in the dining hall...

This morning many of us gathered in the dining hall for breakfast. As we were finishing up, we took a group picture and started to say our goodbyes. Goodbyes are very hard for me, especially when I am expressing them to people I don't see very often. All of these thoughts run through my head. Will this be the last time I see this person? Did I tell them how much I love them? (I know I have written about this before) And then I cry. And I am an UGLY crier. And because of the ALS I can't control my crying and it all becomes a hot fuckin' mess. But even though the crying is ugly (and quite loud I might add) the emotions behind it are in a way beautiful, and more subdued, and complex.

And THAT leads me to the third line of this blog post's title...
But you can't pick your friend's nose.
I went back to the dorm we were staying in (still crying), and cried some more. As I leaned on Shawn and she stroked my hair, Linda handed me tissues. And without missing a beat, Shawn took my boogie tissues from my hand as I was done with them and threw them away. So maybe you can't pick your friend's nose, but people who love you and knew you 'when' will truly do anything for you, including taking away boogie tissues.

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