Sunday, May 14, 2017

A "hokey" non-poem / my voice

I am not sure what I expected.
Maybe that I would be different than the others.
Or I would have more time.
I am not sure I actually thought about it clearly or consciously.
But last night...
this whole losing my voice thing
hit me like a brick.

I still have a voice.
It is weak and strained
but still audible.
It is slurred and high pitched
but still understandable.
But it is leaving me
just like my legs
and my arms
and my stomach muscles.
I can't feel the twitches
as I did in my limbs
as the muscles waste away.
But I can measure the length of time I can talk
before I get tired.
I prepared with
voice-banking
and app downloading
but I guess I didn't really "prepare".
So when I needed my voice last night
it failed me
and I grieved.

Today napping
in my chair
leaning back
facing the sun.
The rain came suddenly.
Big, cold drops on my face
It took me by surprise
as Adam came running
to help me get inside.
Then it stopped.
And we went out front
to try to catch a rainbow
and I wheeled through warm puddles
just like I used to stomp.
It made me feel young
and I laughed watching my boy
take pictures of his crazy mama.
The gray clouds were pushed aside
by clear blue skies.
The steam rising from the earth
brought worms
and the smell of earth and Spring.
It didn't bring my voice back
or strengthen my limbs.
It brought me a bit of happiness
and hope
and helped me remember that
I am still me.

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