Thursday, January 19, 2017

What love looks like to me

This is what love looked like in my house yesterday:

I am awake and dressed in my room, and before Adam leaves the house he makes sure that things are set up for me. That includes setting up the stair glide so I can get into it easily. I can still do it myself, and sometimes I do. But when I leave my bedroom and I see the stair glide set up, or the hinged end of the stair glide is already down, or my paper cups are within reach on the kitchen counter, I feel love.

This is what love looked like in my house last night. Three friends from school came to visit with dinner and wine and their fabulous selves. They caught me up on events going on at school, things going on with their families, listened to Adam and me tell stories, didn't freak out when I had a choking incident, and just treated me like me.

This is what love felt like in my house last night. My friend Lisa's uncle passed away. She has had an enormous amount of loss in her life - some very significant losses within the past few months. She reached out to me and Abby through texts last night and I was able to then speak to her on the phone. I was able to love on her a bit when so much has been the other way lately. It felt like love.

This is what love was like in my house this morning. I received a few texts from my Mom about what food she could cook for my family, whether I wanted to go out today, and this was all while she went with one of my kids to a doctor appointment because I couldn't. Because I slept really late and didn't respond to her texts she was worried about me, so she called. That is love.

This is what love looked like in my house this afternoon.  I didn't get out of bed until noon! Sarah helped me up, and got me to the bathroom. I changed my ostomy bag, took a shower, and got myself dressed (Sarah did the shoes and socks). It seems like such an insignificant thing, getting myself ready in the morning, but for me it is huge. It makes me feel a bit more like me. Having control of my life in these small, yet important ways. I loved feeling like me.

This is what love looked like late this afternoon. Adam came home from work and said that our new friend Stephanie was coming over to talk to us about Comfort Keepers and how they can help us. He knew that I was hesitant to make that call; it seemed like one step closer to be less self sufficient and independent. However after meeting with Stephanie and Sheila I recognized that this help was not just for me, but for our family. These incredibly generous and thoughtful new friends completely get my concerns about me feeling like me, and about keeping my dignity.

This is what love looked like this afternoon. Sarah running into the house after being with her friends to bring Gillian her marching band music to the high school. Those two love each other and would really do anything for each other and it was evident by the look on Sarah's face.

This is what love sounded like at dinner. Ean and Adam were talking about sports programs at different colleges. Ean talking about the food he is learning to prepare in culinary class. Ean just talking to us.

This is what love looks like to me.

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