I once read a book to my first graders about an ant and a camel. The ant was on a journey and in order to get to his destination he had to climb over these very large mountains. Unbeknownst to him, the mountains that he had to climb were actually the humps of a large camel. The story was a folktale. I can't remember the moral, but I have been thinking about that book today.
My GI tract is feeling great. It still amazes me that I can eat a meal and not have pain in my colon immediately afterwords. (It helps that I don't have a colon anymore). I can get in the car with a snack and not worry about where the nearest bathroom is. For me, after 30 years of living with that necessity, it is nothing short of a miracle.
That is the first camel hump. That part of my body is healed and I am comfortable living with an ileostomy. This will be okay.
Yesterday I went back to the neurologist and he informed me that I have some sort of neurological disease/condition/or something that is progressive and making me weaker and my neurological system less responsive. He is sending me to a specialist at Columbia Presbyterian for a second opinion. He is very concerned. I need a spinal tap before I go in order for them to see my spinal cells.
This is the second camel hump. Right now I am the ant stuck between the humps. Once I received this information, I immediately fell into that abyss. I am desperately trying to pull myself out of it by being proactive and positive. I went back to PT this week, and I have new exercises to make my muscles stronger. I am trying to focus on the good things that we have coming up in the next few weeks - Sarah's graduation party, a short family trip to the beach, and a night away with Adam. But all I can see is the looming other hump. I am having trouble seeing beyond it, and how I am going to get to my destination.