Monday, June 20, 2016

Sleeping on my stomach

I like to sleep on my stomach.  I know, it is not so great for your back, but it is the way I have almost always fallen asleep, except of course, when I was hugely pregnant with my kids.  I am pretty sure that will be difficult now.  But I have been liking it to when I was pregnant.  It was a very small sacrifice that I made in order to have something better in my life.  Similar situation.  I am going to have a better life.  And this may be temporary - or not.  But its okay.  Because I am going to feel better.

I like to eat.  A lot.  I never really cared that much about food, but then I married into the Dauer family, and you kind of need to like to eat.  It really is a good thing, because Adam and his family taught me to have gusto about my meals.  I like that.  I know I have said before, that I have had this love/hate relationship with food, but it really never stopped me from loving to eat.  I am not sure what I will be able to eat, or how much I will be able to eat, or if I will feel the same way about food, or love it even more (!), but that relationship will change somewhat.

I am feeling nervous and scared, and every minute of every day I am changing my mind and about whether or not I feel this is the right decision.  I am texting friends, and talking to friends, and crying, and trying to explain my feelings to my loved ones when I am not really sure I understand them myself.  I have received the most wonderfully supportive emails, texts, words of encouragement, as well as the most well-intentioned unsolicited advice.  I have friends that have undergone significant medical turmoil of their own, who have told me they can relate to my words and that makes me happy.  All with love.

I am going to continue to write about my experiences and it might be too much information for some, but I have finally decided I really don't care.  I am not going to qualify that anymore.  This is cathartic and helpful to me, but in the long run it might help another.   Maybe this is just another journey that I am supposed to take.  Maybe this, along with being a daughter, sister, Mom, wife, friend and a teacher, is a role that I am supposed to have in order to build understanding.  Maybe it is time for me to sleep on my back.

1 comment:

  1. I remember you always sleeping on your stomach! Write anything and everything...people who are squeamish have the choice not to read. They have been forewarned. I love you so much!