I like to sleep on my stomach. I know, it is not so great for your back, but it is the way I have almost always fallen asleep, except of course, when I was hugely pregnant with my kids. I am pretty sure that will be difficult now. But I have been liking it to when I was pregnant. It was a very small sacrifice that I made in order to have something better in my life. Similar situation. I am going to have a better life. And this may be temporary - or not. But its okay. Because I am going to feel better.
I like to eat. A lot. I never really cared that much about food, but then I married into the Dauer family, and you kind of need to like to eat. It really is a good thing, because Adam and his family taught me to have gusto about my meals. I like that. I know I have said before, that I have had this love/hate relationship with food, but it really never stopped me from loving to eat. I am not sure what I will be able to eat, or how much I will be able to eat, or if I will feel the same way about food, or love it even more (!), but that relationship will change somewhat.
I am feeling nervous and scared, and every minute of every day I am changing my mind and about whether or not I feel this is the right decision. I am texting friends, and talking to friends, and crying, and trying to explain my feelings to my loved ones when I am not really sure I understand them myself. I have received the most wonderfully supportive emails, texts, words of encouragement, as well as the most well-intentioned unsolicited advice. I have friends that have undergone significant medical turmoil of their own, who have told me they can relate to my words and that makes me happy. All with love.
I am going to continue to write about my experiences and it might be too much information for some, but I have finally decided I really don't care. I am not going to qualify that anymore. This is cathartic and helpful to me, but in the long run it might help another. Maybe this is just another journey that I am supposed to take. Maybe this, along with being a daughter, sister, Mom, wife, friend and a teacher, is a role that I am supposed to have in order to build understanding. Maybe it is time for me to sleep on my back.